One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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