My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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