you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
