Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
