Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
