neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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