im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
