i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
