i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize