I think i sorta joined a cult last night
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
