I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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