dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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