i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
