Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
