You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
