if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
