i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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