you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
