Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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