I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
