I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
