Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
