Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
