he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
