was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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