I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
