i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
