We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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