I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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