Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
