Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
