wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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