I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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