How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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