just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
