Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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