I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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