I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
