I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
