I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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