The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
