I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
