thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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