I showed him my bush... on skype.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
