party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
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