btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
