I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
being pregnant is like rehab
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
