You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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