i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
