if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
