My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
