How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize