took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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