Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
