Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
