Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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