I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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