this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
