she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
