Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
