Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize