we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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