No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
