fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
