Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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