I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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