awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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