i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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