Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
