We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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