she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
