can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
