i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
