I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
