I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Did I show you my penis last night?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
