Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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