i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize