I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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