She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
