I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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