im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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