I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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