yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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