I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
