if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
