it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
