i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
