I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
