dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
