We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize