I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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