where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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