When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
