i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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